Showing Up for Myself

I should be working on the annotated bibliography for my english class(!!!) right now but so much has happened since March that I need to get off my chest before I go back into the research mines.

Here are some life updates:

Podcast

Eve and I decided to stop producing the Kitchen Table Cult podcast this summer. There are so many great folks on this beat now and we have other things in our lives we’d like to do. This year was a great time to pass on the torch we lit 6 years ago. The archives will still be up for anyone who wants to listen and catch up. This was 6 years of a passion project that we just couldn’t sustain across an ocean on Patreon support alone at the level of quality we wanted to get to.

Because I don’t have to spend my evenings doing podcasting stuff anymore, I’ve been able to turn my energy to showing up for myself and integrating in Europe.

Akademy

In 2022 after our bluecards came in Victoria brought me to my first Akademy conference in Barcelona. It’s an annual conference for the KDE community (open source linux developers). I’m not a linux developer but I do love volunteering at conferences and in a way it was a family reunion for her, so I signed up for a few shifts at the infodesk to meet people and make friends. I succeeded, and did it again for last year’s conference in Thessaloniki. After that conference I joined the organizing team for this year and helped run the conference in Würzburg, a town in Bavaria.

Turns out there’s a need for community organizers in the open source world and filling that void scratches the itch I’ve had since leaving Oakland and my local work there. Through that I’ve found chosen family and local community and I feel so much less isolated now.

Writing

I’ve also been able to dedicate time to reporting on Project 2025 & Co’s threat to Democracy for Prism. I wrote 3 articles (so far) this year that I’m really proud of and grateful to work with such a cool newsroom.

Education

I enrolled in classes at Laney again! Right before going south to run Akademy. It has been good so far. I’ve just got to figure out how to pay for the 14 units I have to take next year to graduate. Then I’ll have a certified record of education that I could possibly persuade a German university to accept or at least use to transfer to another online 4 year school.

Because I can only do remote work, my major is Social Sciences now, with an emphasis on community organizing. I have a meeting with my counselor this week to come up with an education plan and go over what options I have for financial aid.

If my math is right, I would need ~$6500 to cover the cost of tuition to graduate if I pay the out of state rate and don’t get any aid. That’s achievable, but I don’t have that lying around. We’ll see what comes.

It has been great to be in school again, and make progress on this. In the US it’s possible to succeed and have jobs without a degree but it is extremely not that case in Germany.

Conclusion

At the start of this year I decided I was going to stop suffering needlessly. Initially that meant doing things like buying myself a toilet stool and a bath tub pillow. Investing in things that help my physical body, but that also extended to my emotional and psychological well being:

I did a whole US Tour this summer and saw friends I haven’t seen in decades and people I’ve known online for years but never met. It was soul nourishing and gave me the confidence to do the next thing.

I knew the steps I needed to take to get my education back on track.
I knew I needed space to make friends and participate in events in my own timezone.

So I did those things. I followed the rule I tell everyone else: I showed up (for myself).

The last month or so I have just been so happy. Some of that is New Relationship Energy from finding chosen family but a large part of that is finally getting out of my own way and seeing what magic happens when I choose to live my best life instead of suffering needlessly.


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One response to “Showing Up for Myself”

  1. Eleanor Skelton Avatar

    I’m so glad for you, this sounds so good. <3 <3 <3

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