Tag: This is my Life
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Thirty-Three
I went to Lisbon for my birthday and saw where my great-grandparents immigrated from. Their building (not pictured) is still standing (or another building stands in its exact place, still full of residents). They lived on a hill in a neighborhood not unlike many in San Francisco. Away from the tourist areas on the water.…
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ich spreche bisschen deutsch (I speak a little German)
Last month I finished my first deutschkurse with the Humboldt Institute. I feel much better about my ability to understand German in situations outside of checking out at the grocery store or apotheke which is nice. My eaves dropping skills have gained +10. I still freeze up when I need to reply in German but…
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14 year old rage
I have been sitting uncomfortably with my anger. I’m at the point of my healing/processing cycle where I get to revisit this feeling again. As a child I was never truly allowed to express anger, it was an emotion that wasn’t “cheerful obedience” and therefore wrong. It often circles back to me in the autumn.…
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Immigrating is hard
I feel like I’m not allowed to acknowledge or complain or be frustrated about it because I chose to yeet myself across the ocean, but it doesn’t change the fact that sometimes it really sucks. I am in what feels to be a uniquely frustrating situation and I am trying my best to figure it…
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Travelougue 2023
My life has been a whirlwind of travel since June. I’ve been home for three weeks and I feel like I’m just now starting to regain my footing and be fully recovered from the travel-lag. I was in the US for three weeks in June, home for about a week and a half before going…
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I’m a Brompton Boi Now
Fibro has more or less relegated me to my neighborhood because going everywhere on foot or waiting for transit with heavy bags from running errands is incredibly exhausting. Transit is frequent and reliable but not particularly fast, which is fine. The first two make me happy enough, but the last one has made feeling motivated…
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The Curse of Living Every Day Like It’s Your Last
In the family I grew up in there were two common, somewhat dissonant but simultaneously applied themes. 1) Don’t live like you belong in the default world because your true home is in Heaven, living on earth is really just a temporary state and 2) live every day like it’s your last and be prepared…
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Wash, Rinse, Dry, Repeat
Life is a cycle. I keep finding myself surprised and not surprised at the similar feelings I’m having trying to establish myself in a new city country as I had when I was first trying to establish myself as an adult leaving conservative christianity. I didn’t really know how to get a job or find…
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Wants Are Good Too
I am actively choosing to prioritize myself and my health. Not just in the not-dying sense, but in the this-would-make-my-daily-life-easier sense. I’ve been working on this for years and progress is slow. It’s hard. There’s a voice in my head that’s extremely loud that tells me “you don’t really need that” anytime I think about…
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Nature (Trauma) is Healing
I’ve been experiencing a lot of headaches trying to do basic things like get my brain meds filled in Germany. There are rules like only certain types of general doctors can prescribe anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications, only certain kinds of doctors can prescribe testosterone, and of course only psychiatrists can prescribe ADHD meds. On top…