Category Personal

2 posts

COVID Log 4

COVID19 HRT Adventures Mental Health Personal Something Real

One day soon I will have the bandwidth to sit down and write out the things that are stirring me lately, but in the meantime here’s the cliffnotes of the last since April, I guess.

The neighborhood group I’ve been organizing with since Shelter in Place started, Alice Street Mutual Aid, had a really successful food drive a couple weeks ago! 

I spent about two weeks organizing it with my neighbors. Everyone who participated was really touched and grateful both to have something concrete to do and also to have an immediate need met. I got to meet some of the folks I’ve been working with on slack and seeing on my screen for weeks in person (safely, masked, 6′ away), and it was so lovely.

If this is something you have the capacity or desire to do and want to talk about how to make happen I’m always down to talk shop, just leave a comment/send a message/DM me on twitter.

I stepped down from CRHE (and wrote about it, of course) to give myself room to grow. I’ve been focusing lately on my work on the ground, working with my Tenant’s Union, ASMA, East Bay for Everyone, and doing mutual aid work wherever I can.

My partner and I made history (on 6/9) by becoming one of the first nonbinary trans couples to get a Registered Domestic Partnership in CA. Up until Jan 1 of this year, in order to get a Domestic Partnership in CA you had to be same-sex. Sen. Scott Wiener (the same senator who authored the law that allowed me to change my gender marker to X on my license in Jan 2019) authored the bill to change the law so it’s not a question even asked anymore, which meeeeeeeeeans

We have all the rights of a married couple recognized by the State of California in areas such as: healthcare (and taxes and etc). A Registered Domestic Partnership is different than a marriage (legally) in that it is easier to undo and not federally recognized, so we’ll cross that tax bridge with an accountant when we get there.

On my ever growing list of topics to write about is how an RDP is different from being married for me, and how it’s healing and also an example of how our social structure is fucked up but the meaningful part of this is:

Neither of us have to worry about our families of origin having any say over our healthcare if bad things happen, AND more importantly that also means *drumroll*

I have access to Kaiser’s trans clinic. 

These last several months have been legit nightmare mode for HRT + my general health. I feel terrible and am so tired, but I found a doctor at Kaiser who seems like a good fit and Kaiser just blanket covers the kinds of HRT I have been fighting so hard to get for the last 2+ years. I’m overwhelmed and relieved.

As Shelter In Place continues I feel so listless. I miss going places, I miss making plans and then doing the plans. I miss being around people. I miss hugging my friends. I’m grieving because given how poorly “reopening” has gone I don’t know if I’ll be able to see friends outside of my immediate vicinity or even leave my city before next March.

Along with the existential dread, my depression is making a comeback which I think is related to the fact that I stopped taking bupropion to start Straterra in February. Straterra has been super helpful in enabling me to actually get anything done during these plague times, but trazodone is not strong enough for the depression and CPTSD flares that come with being a responsible human bean in the middle of a pandemic.

A lot in my life is looking up right now, despite the plague, but it feels so distant. All the things I usually do to help feel pointless and hollow; which is a sign to me that I’ve kept depression at bay on my own for as long as I can and it’s time to get help for it. Thankfully tomorrow is my first appt with the new Kaiser doctor so hopefully we can figure something out.

Stepping Away

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ASLC Meeting Personal

As you may or may not know, my health has utterly tanked since finals last semester. I was hoping that the summer would provide some answers but instead it resulted in surprise trips to the ER, more questions and specialists, and to be honest, none of that is letting up. I’ve been candid about the impacts being on campus has had on my health since I started the machining program in 2017. Getting the signs changed on the single stall bathrooms would have enabled me to eat and hydrate throughout the day; but as you’ve probably gathered, things move pretty slowly on campus. In the 2 years I’ve been working on it, my health has deteriorated exponentially – apparently the stress of school/grades/homework combined with not being able to eat because there is no conveniently accessible and safe bathroom to use will completely annihilate a person’s health. 

So it is with a heavy heart that I have realized I need to take a break from school to focus on my wellbeing. To be completely honest, writing this is devastatingly hard and I was hoping all summer that I would be able to avoid this very moment. School has been fulfilling and life giving in as many ways as it has been a trigger and a nightmare. I take solace in the fact that I’m leaving it better than I found it. Starting the Laney Queers and bringing it to a place where it can continue on without me is something I’m super proud of. 

Pres. Gilkerson has committed to getting the signs changed and installing gender neutral restrooms in all new buildings. The next year of Brunches is already scheduled and paid for, the Lavender Project is already working with our sibling colleges on next year’s queer dance. Coming Out Week next month is a joint effort with all of the schools and will be amazing. I have full confidence that the Laney Queers will carry on just as well (if not better) in my absence. We, collectively, have created something big and powerful and amazing on campus, and even in the district. We have made a space for ourselves to exist and be, and we aren’t going anywhere. 

I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to organize the ICC and spend some time in the Student Government. I’ve learned so much and made so many friends, I’m really sad to close this chapter of my life to deal with the agonizing process that is our healthcare system. But as many many people have reminded me, this is just goodbye for now, not forever.