Category: School
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Pause
I sent all the emails on Friday that told everyone who needed to be told that I’m dropping out for my health. I’m too sick to be in school and on campus so I’m dropping out. I have been stuck in a shame fueled depression since I made this decision even though I know it’s […]
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Semester No. 5
My semester begins tomorrow. I’m very anxious. My body has been tense all day…all week, really. I’m not anxious about my classes – I’ve re-evaluated them thrice now and I’ve taken my health and spoons into account so I’m only doing one in-person class (US Government), and two online classes (English 5, and Cultural Geography) […]
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Whirlwind
Everything has been a whirlwind since school let out for the summer and it starts up again in 3 weeks but I am still reeling. The rug was pulled out from under me in June when I went to the ER and was diagnosed with Colitis but couldn’t see a GI Specialist until the middle […]
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Ballet
As I’m laying in bed to write this I’m warding off an anxiety attack, nausea induced by adrenaline, and so much adrenaline. I started talking to myself a few minutes ago when I felt my body go tense and my chest tightened and I decided to take a hydroxyzine, take a hit, and use my […]
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Talking About It
I have been sick all year. I’ve been pretending I’m not because it’s the only coping mechanism I know and if I don’t stop doing things then I don’t feel pain and everything is fine. Until it isn’t. At some point I crash and my immune system disintegrates and I get sick with one thing […]
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10 years
The 28th marks both my golden birthday and my 10th escape-versary. I’ve felt the amount of introspection and existential questioning I feel like most people reserve for their 30th, but this year feels more significant somehow. Ten years feels both like an eternity and also yesterday. I’ve spent a lot of time talking about where […]
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Taking Good Care of Myself Means Not Starving
CW: Eating Disorder. I’ve been trying to take good care of myself over break, which has also meant trying to get my health situation in order. I’ve been dealing with chronic pain directly related to chronic stress since…for ever. We don’t know what it is, just that something is there.
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2019 is for Self Compassion
Something my therapist has been encouraging me to remind myself of is that I deserve to take good care of myself. So I’ve decided that in 2019 I’m going to take everything I’ve learned from this year and try to take good care of myself. I’m emphasizing good because if I just take care of […]
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One Year of School
I have survived an entire year of college. This semester has been especially challenging, in more ways than the previous two were. I learned a lot about my limits and that just because it only takes 6 weeks to heal your stitches does not mean that you are better 6 weeks later. I am currently […]
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Future.
Since the last post I’ve been able to sit with myself for a few minutes and think about where I go from here. I’ve decided that I am definitely going to focus on Labor Studies since Coming Out Week went so well and I got an email about the Student Organizing Cohort that the Ethnic […]