Category: School
-
Future?
My therapist asked me what it would look like if just asked myself what I had spoons to do each day and did that, instead of running myself into the ground trying to do everything. We talked about how when I started school I was set on finishing everything on time and thought I’d be…
-
School is for Healing
I’ve been coming to grips with some stuff about what I’m studying lately, which is largely that 1: I really enjoy machining, but 2: I do not believe that I am capable of being a manual machinist in a traditional shop and I don’t see that as my future. It’s a weird sentence to write,…
-
Laney Queers
This time last year I was on campus feeling very alone. I learned that there wasn’t a queer club before I started and decided that I wanted to make it happen. Right before I got on the plane home from YIMBYtown on Tuesday, I got an email from the club advisor saying that the Laney…
-
English 1A
I keep coming back to that part in the Prisoner of Azkaban where Harry asks why the Dementors seem to affect him more than other people, and Lupin explains that the Dementors feed on every good memory until all that’s left is trauma, they affect Harry the most because he has actual horrors in his…
-
The more I’ve been wanting to write, the more I’ve been resisting sitting down and doing it. Depression has been eating me alive lately. The world seems to have gotten dimmer since school let out, and it feels like we’ve plummeted off the edge of a cliff, we’re past the point of no return and…
-
Disability
I started realizing that I need to come to terms with the physical effects of CPTSD throughout the last semester. I have to come to terms with my own disability. And a lot of that starts by saying it out loud. I really don’t want to. I don’t want to admit that I am not…
-
It Feels So Stupid
Last night, I was curled into a ball crying in my partner’s arms because everything about school is hard. It’s not necessarily the material or the course load, it’s that Laney isn’t designed and has no support structure for visibly/non-passing trans students to exist in. Let alone the ones who are out and openly existing…
-
Just T Things: 15 Months HRT
I realized it would probably be helpful to me and other people if I started documenting what HRT is like for me somewhere more findable than twitter. It’s been almost 15 months now, but I haven’t detailed a lot here so I’m going to attempt to categorize the various points of change. Weight Changes: When…
-
27:9
I meant to write a retrospective before my birthday, but 2018 has been one hell of a year already, let me tell you. I got distracted going through my instagram account and watching the story of the last seven or so years unfold in the archives. I look so radically different now than I did…
-
Goodbye 2017
I’ve been putting off writing for some reason. I’m not entirely sure why. Some of it is probably just burnout and exhaustion from school, processing a lot of the things that happened and got stepped on over the last semester that I didn’t have time to get to. I survived my first semester though! I…