Category: Something Real

  • Introducing Farid and April

    Introducing Farid and April

    Today in therapy I discovered a whole entire trauma bucket that I realized I had successfully blocked from my memory until recently. Until we adopted a kitten. I need to get the story out of my head because I had this moment in therapy where I was shocked by the cruelty I’d almost successfully forgotten. […]

  • 30

    I didn’t expect 30 to actually happen. I had a relaxing birthday. My new apartment complex has an outdoor pool and a jacuzzi, and reopened it that week (in my honor, I assume). It was warm and sunny, so I got to enjoy the bubbling hot water on my joints. It reminded me of the […]

  • COVID Log 4

    One day soon I will have the bandwidth to sit down and write out the things that are stirring me lately, but in the meantime here’s the cliffnotes of the last since April, I guess. The neighborhood group I’ve been organizing with since Shelter in Place started, Alice Street Mutual Aid, had a really successful […]

  • COVID Log 3

    Things haven’t gotten any easier in the last month. Every week feels like at least a decade, and I’ve been dealing with blow after blow, just trying to roll with the punches. But I am exhausted. I tried to take a Quarancation last week but it didn’t work out as well as I’d hoped. A […]

  • Not okay

    Not okay

    I’ve started and stopped more posts than I can remember in the last month since COVID19 ate everything. I’m trying to find humor and light to what feels like my religious upbringings’ flavor of tribulation coming to pass in real time. I can’t. I’m not going to try anymore. Today I am angry and hurting […]

  • This is Your Brain; This is Your Brain on ADHD Meds.

    After 2 years of fighting to get tested and treated for the sheer inability to focus when I need to on the things I need to, I finally found a psychiatrist who listened to me and prescribed me the babiest dose of Strattera. I’ve been documenting it, as I do: This is day 2, and […]

  • Ramifications

    Ramifications

    Just because the faith has been left and the arguments don’t hold up against basic questions, doesn’t mean that the roots of these beliefs went away.

  • More Feelings I Guess

    More Feelings I Guess

    On the interwebs I’ve been doing some of the goofy “it’s been a decade, what’s the then/now of __________” memes. The decade of hair is one of my faves. In a lot of ways I still struggle with feeling inadequate or incompetent because I feel behind my peers on so many levels. That sense of […]

  • The Feelings Part 3

    I’m trying to see this period of my life as a good thing – an opportunity to unpack the trauma I’ve been avoiding and do the healing I need to do. I want to be able to take this mystery condition that I still have zero answers to in stride and not be angry and […]

  • The Feelings Part 2

    I’m feeling many ways about my disabling illness. There’s a good bit of anger, a lot of exhaustion, 6 feet of grief, and a lot of anxiety around whether or not I’ll get better. There’s a part of me that has resigned itself to this new normal and a part of me that really wants […]