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more misc

It’s snowing, I’m in a sweater, leggings, fluffy socks, and a warm blanket and I’m still cold. I braved the weather to get food.
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I started a fairy porn tumblr and theoretically increased the amount of comics I draw per week.
I had a lot of unexpected social but ended up getting rid of the PVC pipe from our greenscreen project/holder thing, finally. Apparently people LOVE free PVC pipe.
I moved the xbox back into my office and realized it hates me trying to play multiplayer ME3 in a party, but it’s still great for watching Futurama.
I was a lot of up and down this week, but that was okay. I also did a LOT of little things – taking things to the thrift store, recycling, etc…
Playing more minecraft and streamed some of it. I even figured out how to breed chickens and pigs.
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I’m waiting anxiously until I can schedule my last HPV shot at planned parenthood, and then I will be IMMUNE. I will also go to the DMV and renew my license and take a new picture where I don’t look like a homeschooler who has no idea what to do with their hair.
Need to remember to vote on Tuesday.
I realized, now that I’m actually old enough to vote myself, get-out-the-vote campaigns don’t matter as much to me as they used to, which I think is weird, but I guess it’s because I know I’m going to vote, and as long as I can vote I’m not concerned about getting other people to vote on my behalf.
I also got some rum and whiskey on Halloween (and also I got candy because I wore my fox costume to run errands over lunch and it was awesome), which means I’ll have something to help me watch the election results.
Mostly I’m writing this boring ramblyness to keep myself awake, but I’m hitting publish, so it only realllly worked for like 15 minutes 😛

vents and sundry

1) definitely going to up the dosage on my meds
2) there is nothing quite so terrifying as being called at by a strange man while I’m minding my own business at the pool. Yelling “Hey pretty lady” at me, twice, is NOT going to get me to respond to you, it is however, going to freak me out for about a week and cause me to fake-sleep and run-through scenarios that may or may not include injuring your testicles at the first opportunity.
(in all honesty and in the spirit of the #yesallwomen tag on twitter, I am terrified. I am small and I know it and I rely on my wits and my acting oblivious when I’m actually ignoring people to avoid situations where I feel threatened and hopefully the unresponsiveness de-escalates the situation. This isn’t uncommon for anyone, but it’s scary as fuck, and it doesn’t happen to me that often, which is maybe why it still bothers me – because…I generally weigh where I’m going against the likelihood of these situations.)
3) my body is mine and not yours to comment on. This kind of treatment (like my body is something to be discussed while ignoring that I am a human, and that I should listen to their commentary about my body because I somehow owe them my appearance and thus should do my utmost to submit to their preferences) is why I don’t go to my game store anymore, and why I avoid people who give off the aura-of-douche. I’ve done remarkably well so far, but pool-guy triggered this whole thing and he pisses me off.
He probably didn’t even think twice about it. Probably thought he was being completely normal and like I’m some rude person. Seriously. no. it’s SCARY. DON’T DO IT TO PEOPLE. I have no way of knowing your intentions but when your first point of contact is aggressive, every instinct I have says GTFO. hello IRL caveman.
4) in that vein, if what I do gets your dick hard, don’t tell me. I don’t a give a fuck, and I realllllly can’t emphasize how much I DON’T WANT TO KNOW. (And also how creepy it is for you to offer that information to me, a complete stranger)
5) I’ve been working on making the new comic site with Ruby on Rails and I finished all of the backend stuff this week and started on the CSS. I was going to use Macaw, and if you’re someone who’s not familiar with CSS and HTML, it’s something you might enjoy checking out, but after trying to finagle with the css code itself after the fact, I decided to scrap it and write my own, so that’s probably what I’ll be working on next week and I’m super excited. I got a gem that lets me render and write text in markdown (redcarpet), and I got authentication working and it’s all really kinda awesome and I’m really proud of myself.
I feel like if I can do this and finish it and it works, I can do anything – which is great, because I have at least one more ruby-blog/project thing that is in the works that I need to start on. That one I have actually mocked up, but haven’t started writing or anything, obviously, and I may cheat and try to not make my own custom backend/CMS for it. I’m currently thinking about creating my own video hosting/sharing/thingy for KieryGeek because of youtube’s douchery, and that I will probably ALSO create using Ruby on Rails if I decide to go ahead and do that. That project, if I do it, I’m hoping to opensource/ put up on github so other people can use it too. It’ll also force me to learn how to use github besides just for installing/finding gems and answers to questions.
6) I got all of the things that were stressing me out done today, I think. I feel like I did ALL OF THE THINGS, and I kinda did, but most of today was just deadlines. heh. I still should get a prize though.
7) I would really like my plumbing fixed.
8) I am a fairy

20 Things About Me That You Probably Already Knew But I Talk About Booze And Look, The Title Is So Hip Right Now

When I wrote that letter to my parents, I included a list of things about me because…I don’t know, it felt like the thing to do, and then I realized some of this stuff might be handy to list here because it’s interesting and a lot of this isn’t new at all, but I also talk about octopi and white russians, so hey. Here’s a list of random shit about me, that I know  you’re all dying to know…

  • I am a strong person who has lived through a lot of unnecessary trauma.

 

  • I am a creator and an artist – I make comics, I process my deepest emotions through making beautiful things – and, despite the voices that sound an awful lot like my parents in my head telling me otherwise, I am really good at it.

 

  • I am a gamer and I think that playing games and immersing myself in enjoying a story is time well spent.

 

  • I think the world is beautiful and colorful and full of wonder and not as scary as I thought it was supposed to be.

 

  • I am imperfect and there is beauty in the imperfection.

 

  • I make websites for people and causes I support! Like homeschool reform, and an art magazine for people from the christian patriarchy/homeschool/quiverfull movements.

 

  • My favorite color is blue and I feel most myself when I have blue hair.

 

  • I give a shit about the world and I want to make it a better place – this is why I make things, this is why I write, vlog, and make art.

 

  • I LOVE science fiction and fantasy, it is what I didn’t know I knew I was missing.

 

  • Politics was the only venue of expression I had that was accepted and lauded my interest in it was really only because of that – because it was encouraged – because I was finally told I was good at something that I didn’t violently hate.

 

  • I stopped crocheting regularly in 2009 because I started drawing and painting in 2010 and haven’t stopped.

 

  • I love Rum and Coke, I can make a mean White Russian, and I discovered the Angry Apple Stag and plan to buy the ingredients to make it at home because hard cider + whiskey is awesome.

 

  • I have crippling depression and anxiety and it’s hard – sometimes so hard that I am numb again and stuck and I don’t know if I’ll be able to come out of it. I’m on medication now and even when I’m in that rut, I know now that there’s a way out – even if I don’t really know it in that moment.

 

  • I’m actually pretty good at building things, and I’m amazing with a soldering iron – one day, I plan on making a light up cube to put two-player board games in.

 

  • My happy food is pizza and rum and coke at our local italian restaurant.

 

  • I don’t cook, or make my bed, or fold laundry.

 

  • I had my wisdom teeth out, and they knocked me out for it, and now my teeth are straightening because dentistry.

 

  • I love Alex. Still. A lot. So many. No end in sight.

 

  • I collect octopi plushies. I have a tiny tiny pink one, a tiny pink one, and a very very big pink one.  Because octopi are obviously pink?

 

  • And, I have not yet gotten frostbite.

Paring Down (and other thoughts)

I sort of re-evaluted some things in my art journal the other day. I’ve been feeling frustrated, some of it is due to not having a high enough dose of antidepressants which I fixed last week, and some of it is due to the fact that I can tell I’m quickly heading toward burnout and I’m not doing enough of what I actually want to be doing.

journalI have a problem with saying yes without thinking. Usually this is a good thing, but then I get overwhelmed. I’m split from what I want to do and doing something that I also want to do but it’s not the thing I want to do it’s just a thing I’m doing because it seemed like a good idea.

I’m doing lots of these things. I’ve brought it upon myself – I put a lot of expectations on myself and I need to pare those down. I need to pursue the things that make me happy – I started doing that, actually, between my comics and submitting my vlog to the G&S Vlog channel, I’m really proud of myself and feel oh so alive.

I’ve decided that I’m not going to pursue programming as a vocation. I’ll do wordpress/troubleshooting for friends/personal projects, so I can do what I do better.

This is such an awkward post to write. To the people I’m doing internet stuff with/for – still doing it. I won’t leave you hanging.

Rain is one of my favorite artists. Whenever she writes there’s some part of my soul that murmurs yes. I want to be ethereal like that, some part of me longs to touch the blades of grass like Willow and feel how the entire earth is connected through roots and energy. It ignites. But that’s not my voice; I feel like it’s a part of me that is there, but waiting. Like a surprise present – it’ll come out when I’m ready, in it’s own way, in it’s me-ness (which probably won’t look anything like my lovely bohemian sister-warrioress). My voice will evolve into whatever it needs to be. Right now, it’s cognitive, I live within my head: thinking, writing, drawing, processing; and I like that I found it.

Tomorrow is our 4th anniversary(!!!!!), It’s pretty cool, I’m excited. We’ve both come such a long way since then, it’s kind of hard to imagine (though, mostly due to embarrassment) – I’m so happy we’ve evolved.

Tonight I’m picking up some more Legion of Everblight minis. I’ve been paranoid I’ll forget all day, but I won’t. Thursday or Friday I’m going to film an actual KieryGeek episode, and then next week I’ll have another #mattandkieryvsstripsearch hangout. I also started a series called The Acceptance Chronicles, where I process puberty and hope it’s funny. ^Things that make me happy.