Category: Gender
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Wash, Rinse, Dry, Repeat
Life is a cycle. I keep finding myself surprised and not surprised at the similar feelings I’m having trying to establish myself in a new city country as I had when I was first trying to establish myself as an adult leaving conservative christianity. I didn’t really know how to get a job or find…
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Post Op Photo & Feels Dump
I’ve been posting pics of the healing process on instagram and pixelfed. The process has been up and down, but mostly up. Surgery went great, I seem to be healing well. One nipple graft is perfect the other is still in its early healing stage. I’m really really really tired of wearing a binder basically…
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Laney Queers
This time last year I was on campus feeling very alone. I learned that there wasn’t a queer club before I started and decided that I wanted to make it happen. Right before I got on the plane home from YIMBYtown on Tuesday, I got an email from the club advisor saying that the Laney…
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It Feels So Stupid
Last night, I was curled into a ball crying in my partner’s arms because everything about school is hard. It’s not necessarily the material or the course load, it’s that Laney isn’t designed and has no support structure for visibly/non-passing trans students to exist in. Let alone the ones who are out and openly existing…
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Goodbye 2017
I’ve been putting off writing for some reason. I’m not entirely sure why. Some of it is probably just burnout and exhaustion from school, processing a lot of the things that happened and got stepped on over the last semester that I didn’t have time to get to. I survived my first semester though! I…
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What even is gender
I feel like I’m mourning/saying goodbye to a part of me that doesn’t need to exist anymore. My body isn’t familiar on the outside anymore, I don’t have hips, or a waist, or cleavage. I get sir’d and he’d more often than not – the pharmacy actually put me down as male in their system?…
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Before I get buried by finals
I’ve started the process of getting a hysterectomy and let me tell you, has it been a rollercoaster. Apparently complete hysterectomies are somehow not part of trans surgeries. So my Doctor got me a referral to a clinic that does Gender Confirmation Surgeries, but they don’t offer 3D Printer de-embedding. They referred me to someone…
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School and C-PTSD
When I started this semester I knew that C/PTSD was something that counted as a disability that I could get help for on campus. I didn’t (still don’t) know exactly what the Disability Services Dept. could do to help, but I was going into specifically a non-emotional-labor intensive program in hopes to avoid the obvious…
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The Awkward In-Between
I’ve noticed myself try to be quieter as I’ve started becoming more visibly masculine.When people read me as male I feel like suddenly (in the feminist & progressive discourse spaces I inhabit) I no longer have a voice worth listening to. It’s difficult to balance the way feminist discourse at large tries to get masculine…
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First Week
I’ve been coming home from school every day this week kind of struck by how prepared I am for college despite never being in a classroom setting for ~8 hrs/day before. I hadn’t thought about how fighting tooth and nail for my education, and seeing it through myself, and teaching myself through high school would…