Category: Gender
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Semester 1
Tomorrow I start school at Laney. I took the compass test and will be taking the Technical Math (which is designed for people in any of the trades programs) course instead of arithmetic. I’m also taking Welding, Shop, Spatial Reasoning, Engineering Drawings, and Electricity. I’ll be at school from before 8am until 5 or…
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On Kindness and Transphobia [TW]
Someone from my past emailed me a few times this week. Claiming they were good listeners and wanted to have a relationship, “one soul to another”. They then sent two emails following that, The first, on valentine’s day, defending my parents by saying they were merely imperfect and I’m overreacting about the abuse I suffered at their…
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It me, a trans boi
I didn’t know I was trans until my mid 20’s. I didn’t have the language or the context to explain what I felt growing up. My writing over the last 8 years has actually thoroughly documented parts of that process. Coming to terms with my gender and what that means to me. I spent my…
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This Week in Trans
Apparently cooking is a skill I default to. I can run? Melons taste good? I still dislike olives. All my feelings live in my belly. Everything is pain because my muscles are moving around so much. I am always hungry. And horny…and horniness feels different now? it comes from a different place so I don’t…
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Eating Disorder
I never thought I had an eating disorder until this week. I thought maybe my relationship to food was not ideal but probably normal. I thought eating disorders had more to do with some personal needs being met with regards to food, like purity culture, society’s insistence on thinness, or coping with life. I didn’t…
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This Is Not Normal
I’m beginning to get anxious now that more than a month has passed since the fall of our republic election and things have started to quiet down. We’re normalizing. We desperately want to return to normal, to stability, not to whatever the fuck this reality is. Collectively we do not do well with unrest, we…
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Kieryn Starts T
Yesterday. Yesterday I went to the wellness clinic in SF that does HRT and primary care on a sliding scale for uninsured people and I started my first dose of Testosterone. HOLY SHIT. Immediately prior to that I got my hair cut, and turns out I’m a super fucking cute boi. As I was walking…
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Expecto Patronum
I was talking to my therapist last night about the election and activism and something she poked at really struck me. It is important for activism to come from a place that isn’t fear. Fear and panic spreads like wildfire and runs everyone down. The longevity of the fight depends on us being able to…
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Existing Is Resistance
So, we elected a facist. I, like every other marginalized in-any-remote-way person have spent the last week utterly terrified. It’s an anxiety attack that won’t go away. I’m suddenly very aware of the intersection of my transness, queerness, afabness, and olive skin. I am public about all of those, I’m public about being queer and…
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Things I learned in therapy
My therapist guesses that starting T will help with my hormone induced dysphoria too (just need insurance again). We opened up the jar of trauma that is my relationship with my body when I’m bleeding and realized I’ve never healed from that. Surprising no one, I know. But I realized that the terror that I…