Tag updates

3 posts

vents and sundry

1) definitely going to up the dosage on my meds
2) there is nothing quite so terrifying as being called at by a strange man while I’m minding my own business at the pool. Yelling “Hey pretty lady” at me, twice, is NOT going to get me to respond to you, it is however, going to freak me out for about a week and cause me to fake-sleep and run-through scenarios that may or may not include injuring your testicles at the first opportunity.
(in all honesty and in the spirit of the #yesallwomen tag on twitter, I am terrified. I am small and I know it and I rely on my wits and my acting oblivious when I’m actually ignoring people to avoid situations where I feel threatened and hopefully the unresponsiveness de-escalates the situation. This isn’t uncommon for anyone, but it’s scary as fuck, and it doesn’t happen to me that often, which is maybe why it still bothers me – because…I generally weigh where I’m going against the likelihood of these situations.)
3) my body is mine and not yours to comment on. This kind of treatment (like my body is something to be discussed while ignoring that I am a human, and that I should listen to their commentary about my body because I somehow owe them my appearance and thus should do my utmost to submit to their preferences) is why I don’t go to my game store anymore, and why I avoid people who give off the aura-of-douche. I’ve done remarkably well so far, but pool-guy triggered this whole thing and he pisses me off.
He probably didn’t even think twice about it. Probably thought he was being completely normal and like I’m some rude person. Seriously. no. it’s SCARY. DON’T DO IT TO PEOPLE. I have no way of knowing your intentions but when your first point of contact is aggressive, every instinct I have says GTFO. hello IRL caveman.
4) in that vein, if what I do gets your dick hard, don’t tell me. I don’t a give a fuck, and I realllllly can’t emphasize how much I DON’T WANT TO KNOW. (And also how creepy it is for you to offer that information to me, a complete stranger)
5) I’ve been working on making the new comic site with Ruby on Rails and I finished all of the backend stuff this week and started on the CSS. I was going to use Macaw, and if you’re someone who’s not familiar with CSS and HTML, it’s something you might enjoy checking out, but after trying to finagle with the css code itself after the fact, I decided to scrap it and write my own, so that’s probably what I’ll be working on next week and I’m super excited. I got a gem that lets me render and write text in markdown (redcarpet), and I got authentication working and it’s all really kinda awesome and I’m really proud of myself.
I feel like if I can do this and finish it and it works, I can do anything – which is great, because I have at least one more ruby-blog/project thing that is in the works that I need to start on. That one I have actually mocked up, but haven’t started writing or anything, obviously, and I may cheat and try to not make my own custom backend/CMS for it. I’m currently thinking about creating my own video hosting/sharing/thingy for KieryGeek because of youtube’s douchery, and that I will probably ALSO create using Ruby on Rails if I decide to go ahead and do that. That project, if I do it, I’m hoping to opensource/ put up on github so other people can use it too. It’ll also force me to learn how to use github besides just for installing/finding gems and answers to questions.
6) I got all of the things that were stressing me out done today, I think. I feel like I did ALL OF THE THINGS, and I kinda did, but most of today was just deadlines. heh. I still should get a prize though.
7) I would really like my plumbing fixed.
8) I am a fairy

Life Happened

I have this familiar sense of needing to write – because all of the things happened – but not having enough coherent thoughts to put anything together. This happens a lot if I write infrequently, like I have been lately – lots of life happens in between posts and then I’m like, wait, what?
So here’s a brief listy-like update:
1: Humorotica has it’s own domain and new comics! And twitter (@humoroticathulu)
2. So does KieryGeek (and twitter @kierygeek)
3. I went and saw Aleka for a week and we went to a RenFaire and it was awesome.
4. While I was there, I CHOPPED OFF MY HAIR. And I think it looks awesome, and goes well with my new Gunnar’s glasses (Crystaline for drawing, yay!)
I actually realized, today that the way my hair is cut is verrrrry similar to the way I draw my hair in my comics, which wasn’t intentional, but it feels very me and I’m happy about that.
5. KieryGeek 3.2 is out, about Guild Wars 2.
6. Crazy week. Thoughts. Things. Interesting. my brain is a blob right now.
7. Ni No Kuni, that is all.

Random Thoughts In Disjointed Fashion

1) I haven’t written – truly written, here, in ages and I’m sad about that. Things happened – not good things. Things that sent me spiraling back into dealing with C-PTSD flare ups, a lot of tears, and a lot of fear, and a lot of disappointment and unsafe feelings. I write poetry on my tumblr and a lot of it is me processing that, but in order to actually be able to…move on? I need to be able to write here, authentically, because as good a place as tumblr is to store poetry, this is my little home on the internet, and if I can’t be real here, then, it’s bad. So maybe sometime I’ll write about what it was that’s kept me from writing for almost exactly a month.
2) I’m putting together all of the things for a kickstarter. I bought new clothes today for next season as well (ADORBS – and I got an adorable PJ set, not related, but so comfy). I know what I want to do next season, and I think it’s pretty cool – new schedule, more fun things. Right now I’m working on doing the math and figuring out the rewards so I can submit my application and go from there.
I am obsessed with Kaiju. Also, it’s basically Warmachine V Hordes and IT IS AWESOME SO GO SEE IT. SEE IT IN 3D AND/OR IMAX. Caps are required for proper emphasis.
4) I got Sims 3 on Saturday for my 3DS and it’s so addicting and fun. I’m trying to wean myself off lego games, but I still needed something that I could play that required neither focus, nor emotional energy – just something relaxing. However, I’m very emotionally involved with my sim, but, it’s in a living-vicariously kinda way, so it’s actually fun and not OH NO I DESTROYED MY CHANCE AT PEACEFUL RELATIONS.
5) Modesty is a hot topic (heh) on the internet lately. Which is good. It needs to be talked about. I have strong opinions on the subject, but it’s also reallly draining and stressful – because modesty is just one of many things bound up in this mess of “womens issues” and I feel keenly aware of the fact that because I have boobs means that people feel like they can decide things for me. Modesty is just one of many. It’s devastating to realize that because I am anatomically female, my voice counts less and I am also held to a higher standard of argument. I suppose this is why I don’t argue as much through blogging – because it requires a lot of polishing, and inside I’m just volatile because I am angry. I’m not angry actually, I’m raging, and I feel powerless, and I don’t know what to do to fix it.
I usually subscribe to just letting my existence speak for itself and challenge the misogynistic beliefs of the people I interact with, but, some of those people are so entrenched in their stereotyping that they can’t see me.
I feel powerless because my female voice is ignored when I talk about things that relate to me and my body and my rights as a person. I hate this feeling. I can’t put into words how much it bothers me – how much it triggers me, and how much it hurts to not be able to think of something I can do to change it (without sending myself into a stress and depression inducing loop).
6) Site redesign! I spent all day Thursday on it. I’ve integrated my portfolio into the site completely (I think, I can’t remember if I forgot something), my latest Youtube upload is featured automagically, the blog is on a blog page, the front page has a couple comics, I’m really happy with how it turned out. The last thing I need to do is figure out how to integrate my comic blog into this site because two sites are hard and confusing to manage. I may need to use some dark magic to get it to happen.
It’s funny because I go between pushing things out to separate places, and then reeling everything back into one again. Over and over. Right now though, I like having everything in one place, it’s easier to find all of my things, and also enables me to feature everything I want to feature easily either on the front page or on the portfolio page (or the comics page/blog) which I really like.
7) I will art for money. If you haven’t seen that yet. Portfolio or homepage for you. 🙂