Tag self discover

2 posts

me + food = meh

I realized earlier today, that I think the reason I enjoy food significantly less than everyone else is because I have no real emotional connection to it. I eat food because I have to as my body dislikes starvation. While I appreciate good food, and I have a handful of foods that I will be very happy if you serve me (dark chocolate, pizza, and mac & cheese) I don’t enjoy it like everyone else I know seems to. I wonder if it’s because food and I are less emotionally connected and if that’s part of the reason I only eat when I’m hungry and (generally) don’t eat more than I need to. I don’t eat for non-hunger reasons (like boredom or sadness or happiness) with the exception of being held captive by hormones that send me into a depressed and munchie ravage.
So today, I did something that I really don’t enjoy.
recipe quest
Finding recipes. I dread it and try to avoid it as much as possible usually, but something else hit me today.
I’m doing this because I think I’m worth it, and no one else can do this for me.
I want to eat healthier and cook healthier not because I’m a good wife, or I enjoy the process of making a good meal for my husband, because honestly, I don’t. I hate loathe the process and I have no satisfaction in cooking at all (thankfully my good-wifey-ness isn’t subject to my kitchen performances); but I finally think that I’m worth the effort, as much as I might hate the process.
So jumping into the annoying finding-recipes-and-making-lists quest I was able to write down some interesting bits of information I found from the encyclopedia, and hit with a little bit of genius, I came up with something to potentially solve the ever frustrating problem of not knowing what to do with leftover produce (you know, before it turns into goo).
Produce & Uses Chart
I’m coming to the scary realization that taking this healthy eating thing on for myself means I need to actually put effort into finding food and using it and maybe even doing more cooking (sad). So if I can streamline some of that process to limit the amount of “I don’t know what to do with it” coma’s that I inevitably fall into, that might help me feel better about getting foods that expire in a week.
In the meantime, I’ll keep reminding myself that me and my health are worth the uh, torture of potential meal planning…and I’ll keep switching between Spongebob and MSNBC while I’m at it, because that seems to help.

Aletheia

The girl who circumnavigated Fairyland in a ship of her own making

I saw this book at work after the fundraiser, and knew I just had to buy it. The title alone completely grabbed my attention and I can’t wait to delve into September’s world.

But the title.

The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making.  Just resonates.

I don’t know why, but it just feels empowering, I feel braver, stronger and capable somehow just looking at the name.

Maybe it’s because inside I yearn to be that, and I have occasional moments of feeling it. Lately, for instance, I’ve been feeling a bit more confident and glancing over the last year, I’ve become more brave, more myself, at least on the inside even if I haven’t shown it much publicly. But I want to.

In 2012 I’m going to continue my journey to me. I’m going to try to be more of the person I am and want to be inside myself. I want to reinvent, to be new and real. I want to continue to remove the layers of masks that have been my image and my persona in the past and get to the truth of who I am, the me that I once knew and abandoned . A friend of mine has been writing about words for the  year, and how she wants to be unafraid. I’ve sort of stumbled upon mine…Aletheia.

An anonymous card I received recently was signed as that. Which, according to wikipedia

Aletheia (ἀλήθεια) is a Greek word variously translated as “unclosedness”, “unconcealedness”, “disclosure” or “truth“. The literal meaning of the word λήθεια is “the state of not being hidden; the state of being evident” and it also implies sincerity, as well as factuality or reality.

I’ve been thinking about that lately, and how it uncannily describes me right now, what I crave to discover and to become. A journey I’ve started and continue to travel. So in 2012, the year I turn 21 (and no one can make fun of me for not being 21 anymore – score!) I want to become aletheia bravely, and unashamedly me.

I want to be the girl who circumnavigated her world in a ship of her own making, and I think I’m closer to that than I ever have been.