1) get dressed in day clothes that make you feel good, even if it’s just for a little while.
2) work out for 5 minutes to get your blood moving and to notice your body and feel it.
3) brush your hair if you don’t like how it feels or looks. put the dragonfly clips in, or wear the squid hat for a few minutes.
4) breathe before bed (1..2..3…1..2..3)
5) drink water.
Because sometimes I forget basic things and I feel awful.
What does it mean to belong?
I’m a part of many groups but always try not to feel attached, in case something goes wrong and they don’t want me anymore (thanks, parents).
Being actively involved in belonging scares me because it feels like a huge commitment I don’t know if I want to make.
Which is weird, right? because I’m married and that’s bigger than a group, course, or meeting.
But maybe it’s because I’m not insecure in Alex and I belonging, like I am with bigger groups.
So maybe belonging has more to do with security, and it takes a while?
I feel the need to be more present physically in my world, but I don’t like the implication that the digital world is unimportant or doesn’t matter. Because the internet is more of the real (painful, brutal, honest) world than my physical experience is. I don’t want to sound dated when I say I need to be more “here” – but I do need to re-gound and center myself. I need to touch and see things outside of my screen. I need to tether.
I want to be
the eccentric 60 year old with sapphire hair
and kind eyes.
When I’m 50 I want to not care
I will be me
I will learn life’s lessons and love freely.
I want to be a vibrant 30 and 40 year old
I want to be a graceful 20 something
who makes people feel at ease
and accepts everyone for themselves
I’ll be the woman with the sapphire hair
who’s lead an amazing and full life
who’s success does not depend on the amount of children she bore
but the love she showed to everyone.
I will be creative, kind, graceful, and calm.
I’ll be the woman with the sapphire hair.