Tag inspiration

6 posts

Welling

I’ve been sick since last Friday with a cold. I’ve quarantined myself from most of the people I would usually hang out with in order to spare any exposure. I’ve been trying to rest, emphasis on trying.
Meanwhile, I’ve been itching to paint but have had no energy to. The drive to put something on canvas is just welling up inside, and I feel like I would burst if it weren’t for the being really tired part. The weather, the rain, seeing, that’s been happening lately, noticing little details – the textures of rocks on the beach, the piercing blue eyes of an actor, that Jeremy Renner has really got the looking-cool-while-pointing-objects-thing down, those moments when you accidentally make eye contact with someone, or weirdly connect.
I like piercing eyes, human moments, connection…..little things that we generally ignore and brush over, little things that in some place in my soul, well up and make me come alive.

Performing Inspiration

I alluded to this in another post, but this year I’m remembering how very very much I love to be on stage and perform. Though I’m not trained and I’m not overly talented, seeing a couple really good performances over the last couple weeks and starting pre-production (and actually filming this weekend) on a short film has kind of awakened that in me. Performing – being on stage – talking, dancing, attempting to act makes me feel exhilarated and alive. I forgot how much I absolutely loved that – everything from the preparation stages to the actual culmination of the details. Not too unlike art, honestly.
I like things that require different pieces to come together into a whole.
Anyway, I thought that it would be handy, to share some of the clips that for all intents and purposes awakened the sleeping part of myself that just loves to be up there. Whenever I go to a performance of anything, honestly, in real life, I feel the same way and I wish and wonder what it’s like to have been on that stage, to have spent months or years preparing for that moment, to take people into a world for just a few hours…
Coldplay’s performance on New Years Eve (this is not that clip, I spent hours on youtube trying to find it but couldn’t) started that spark,

which Daniel Radcliffe continued to ignite with his very talented and hilarious performance on SNL last week (this clip was the last sketch of the evening, and made the political geek inside laugh a lot, but the entire episode is worth watching).

So on the verge of awakening, we finally came up with a good idea for a short film. Maybe the immersion into the world of filmmaking over the last year and a half has played a role in that as well. Whatever happened to get to this part of me again, I’m glad, and I’m excited that it’s all just kind of perfectly timed, and I’m really psyched about this next year for us.

Aletheia

I saw this book at work after the fundraiser, and knew I just had to buy it. The title alone completely grabbed my attention and I can’t wait to delve into September’s world.

But the title.

The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making.  Just resonates.

I don’t know why, but it just feels empowering, I feel braver, stronger and capable somehow just looking at the name.

Maybe it’s because inside I yearn to be that, and I have occasional moments of feeling it. Lately, for instance, I’ve been feeling a bit more confident and glancing over the last year, I’ve become more brave, more myself, at least on the inside even if I haven’t shown it much publicly. But I want to.

In 2012 I’m going to continue my journey to me. I’m going to try to be more of the person I am and want to be inside myself. I want to reinvent, to be new and real. I want to continue to remove the layers of masks that have been my image and my persona in the past and get to the truth of who I am, the me that I once knew and abandoned . A friend of mine has been writing about words for the  year, and how she wants to be unafraid. I’ve sort of stumbled upon mine…Aletheia.

An anonymous card I received recently was signed as that. Which, according to wikipedia

Aletheia (ἀλήθεια) is a Greek word variously translated as “unclosedness”, “unconcealedness”, “disclosure” or “truth“. The literal meaning of the word λήθεια is “the state of not being hidden; the state of being evident” and it also implies sincerity, as well as factuality or reality.

I’ve been thinking about that lately, and how it uncannily describes me right now, what I crave to discover and to become. A journey I’ve started and continue to travel. So in 2012, the year I turn 21 (and no one can make fun of me for not being 21 anymore – score!) I want to become aletheia bravely, and unashamedly me.

I want to be the girl who circumnavigated her world in a ship of her own making, and I think I’m closer to that than I ever have been.

Think About It (inspiring Wednesday)

 
The No. 1 reason why people quit is because they look at how far they've got to go, not how far they've comeI found this on pinterest today and it hit me. A lot of the time I feel so young (I am young :P) and lost and like none of the stuff I’m doing really means much, because there’s so much out there I don’t know, and I’m making so many mistakes that I don’t even know about because I’m so inexperienced. But then I saw this. Sometimes I do want to quit, and just hole up and live under the blankets – I want to give up my heart and stop pouring it into paint and canvas and words because I look back on them and blush. I don’t really know what “success” is for me or how close I am to “achieving” it (if that’s even something you can achieve), but I still paint and draw and write because I *like* it, I *want* it, and even though I have so much to learn that sometimes I don’t even want to think about it – I know it brings me closer to myself, and discovering the girl inside who knows me, and knows who I am and what I’m capable of. Sometimes I get lost because my secondary motivation is to help out and honestly I’m thinking that it might be a bit of hinderance at times and I feel like I need to get back to just creating for the sake of creating, and creating because I love it, I need it, and it becomes me.
I don’t know what I’ll do or be in 5 years, 10 years, or next year. Hopefully I’ll be a better artist, a more loving person, and a better friend. I know there’s so much I don’t know…but I think I need to take the time and look at exactly how far I’ve come, in so many different aspects and parts of myself. I’m becoming me.
How far have you come in your hopes, ambitions, and journey? I bet it’s a lot more than you’d expect when you stop and think about it.