Tag: healing
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8 weeks off (some) meds
In January I talked about my decision to try going off of my meds. I stopped taking Buspar and Bupropion in February (I’m still taking Ritalin and Gabapentin). I’ve noticed my baseline level of upbeatness is a little lower, mostly replaced by fatigue (thanks, fibro) but otherwise I feel normal. There have been a few…
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The Curse of Living Every Day Like It’s Your Last
In the family I grew up in there were two common, somewhat dissonant but simultaneously applied themes. 1) Don’t live like you belong in the default world because your true home is in Heaven, living on earth is really just a temporary state and 2) live every day like it’s your last and be prepared…
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Wants Are Good Too
I am actively choosing to prioritize myself and my health. Not just in the not-dying sense, but in the this-would-make-my-daily-life-easier sense. I’ve been working on this for years and progress is slow. It’s hard. There’s a voice in my head that’s extremely loud that tells me “you don’t really need that” anytime I think about…
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Nature (Trauma) is Healing
I’ve been experiencing a lot of headaches trying to do basic things like get my brain meds filled in Germany. There are rules like only certain types of general doctors can prescribe anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications, only certain kinds of doctors can prescribe testosterone, and of course only psychiatrists can prescribe ADHD meds. On top…
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How Many Times Can I Make A Post With “Feels” in the Title and Get Away With It?
First things first – the biggest news of the year isn’t that I got top surgery. It’s not that my partner and I became an internationally recognized legal entity… I’m moving to Berlin. The one in Germany, not New Hampshire. I went into some details about it on my Patreon in an open-to-everyone post, so…
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Subconscious self
I can feel the wheels of my subconscious working instensly. Sleep is fraught with anxiety, past selves, and doubts. There’s something bothering me on a level I can’t acknowledge or communicate. I feel like a failure as I wait, unknowing but feeling intensity. I try to distract, but everything feels pointless. There is stress and…
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KieryClam
If I’ve learned anything over the last week it’s that as nice as hiding from everything sounds it’s not necessarily helpful, or useful, and it doesn’t stop me from internalizing all of the things. Sometimes problems get so overwhelming and I think avoiding them will help and it seems like a great idea, but what…
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I don't know what to call this
I was going through the files on my laptop looking for something specific and I ran across a picture that I saved from 2007. I won’t post it here, because it makes my stomach turn, but content note: graphic descriptions of infections and medical neglect. My parents stopped taking us to doctors before I was…
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Desperate, and in need of help
It’s worth mentioning, in 2010, my parents all but disowned me and I spent 2 weeks crying, in my room, with the lights out, dealing with an amount of intense pain that I had only dealt with once before – in 2008 when my parents told me that I couldn’t see or talk to my…
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Depression and I (TW: Suicidal Thoughts)
I’m going to be doing a series of posts about depression (my depression). I could do one long post but it’d be a small book… I’ve struggled with depression since puberty. That’s about as far back as I remember anyway. At the time, I had no words for what I was feeling/going through, my parents…