Category: Mental Health
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8 weeks off (some) meds
In January I talked about my decision to try going off of my meds. I stopped taking Buspar and Bupropion in February (I’m still taking Ritalin and Gabapentin). I’ve noticed my baseline level of upbeatness is a little lower, mostly replaced by fatigue (thanks, fibro) but otherwise I feel normal. There have been a few […]
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The Curse of Living Every Day Like It’s Your Last
In the family I grew up in there were two common, somewhat dissonant but simultaneously applied themes. 1) Don’t live like you belong in the default world because your true home is in Heaven, living on earth is really just a temporary state and 2) live every day like it’s your last and be prepared […]
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Wants Are Good Too
I am actively choosing to prioritize myself and my health. Not just in the not-dying sense, but in the this-would-make-my-daily-life-easier sense. I’ve been working on this for years and progress is slow. It’s hard. There’s a voice in my head that’s extremely loud that tells me “you don’t really need that” anytime I think about […]
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Nature (Trauma) is Healing
I’ve been experiencing a lot of headaches trying to do basic things like get my brain meds filled in Germany. There are rules like only certain types of general doctors can prescribe anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications, only certain kinds of doctors can prescribe testosterone, and of course only psychiatrists can prescribe ADHD meds. On top […]
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How Many Times Can I Make A Post With “Feels” in the Title and Get Away With It?
First things first – the biggest news of the year isn’t that I got top surgery. It’s not that my partner and I became an internationally recognized legal entity… I’m moving to Berlin. The one in Germany, not New Hampshire. I went into some details about it on my Patreon in an open-to-everyone post, so […]
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If you’re reading this, you’ve (basically) survived 2020
As much as I am ready to be done with the last century of this year, I don’t even know how to start processing everything that’s happened. It’s been intense and every time I think about it, I immediately go think about something else because there is too much and building a railway in Minecraft […]
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COVID Log 4
One day soon I will have the bandwidth to sit down and write out the things that are stirring me lately, but in the meantime here’s the cliffnotes of the last since April, I guess. The neighborhood group I’ve been organizing with since Shelter in Place started, Alice Street Mutual Aid, had a really successful […]
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COVID Log 2
I’ve been managing okay focusing on creating resources and organizing my building and my block…until today. Today I feel sideways and depression is loud and all encompassing and I am tired despite not doing much. I lost my balance while doing a grocery run today which was the first time I’ve left my apartment since […]
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Not okay
I’ve started and stopped more posts than I can remember in the last month since COVID19 ate everything. I’m trying to find humor and light to what feels like my religious upbringings’ flavor of tribulation coming to pass in real time. I can’t. I’m not going to try anymore. Today I am angry and hurting […]
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This is Your Brain; This is Your Brain on ADHD Meds.
After 2 years of fighting to get tested and treated for the sheer inability to focus when I need to on the things I need to, I finally found a psychiatrist who listened to me and prescribed me the babiest dose of Strattera. I’ve been documenting it, as I do: This is day 2, and […]