I’m feeling many ways about my disabling illness. There’s a good bit of anger, a lot of exhaustion, 6 feet of grief, and a lot of anxiety around whether or not I’ll get better. There’s a part of me that has resigned itself to this new normal and a part of me that really wants
Category: Mental Health
The Feelings Part 1
Shit has been rough. Up until last week I was able to use school as a distraction from the mystery that is rampaging my body. I sent out letters to everyone over last weekend saying I’m dropping out but staying around until the end of the month to tie up all the loose ends. I
Pause
I sent all the emails on Friday that told everyone who needed to be told that I’m dropping out for my health. I’m too sick to be in school and on campus so I’m dropping out. I have been stuck in a shame fueled depression since I made this decision even though I know it’s
Ballet
As I’m laying in bed to write this I’m warding off an anxiety attack, nausea induced by adrenaline, and so much adrenaline. I started talking to myself a few minutes ago when I felt my body go tense and my chest tightened and I decided to take a hydroxyzine, take a hit, and use my
Talking About It
I have been sick all year. I’ve been pretending I’m not because it’s the only coping mechanism I know and if I don’t stop doing things then I don’t feel pain and everything is fine. Until it isn’t. At some point I crash and my immune system disintegrates and I get sick with one thing
10 years
The 28th marks both my golden birthday and my 10th escape-versary. I’ve felt the amount of introspection and existential questioning I feel like most people reserve for their 30th, but this year feels more significant somehow. Ten years feels both like an eternity and also yesterday. I’ve spent a lot of time talking about where
Taking Good Care of Myself Means Not Starving
CW: Eating Disorder.
I’ve been trying to take good care of myself over break, which has also meant trying to get my health situation in order. I’ve been dealing with chronic pain directly related to chronic stress since…for ever. We don’t know what it is, just that something is there.
2019 is for Self Compassion
Something my therapist has been encouraging me to remind myself of is that I deserve to take good care of myself. So I’ve decided that in 2019 I’m going to take everything I’ve learned from this year and try to take good care of myself. I’m emphasizing good because if I just take care of
One Year of School
I have survived an entire year of college. This semester has been especially challenging, in more ways than the previous two were. I learned a lot about my limits and that just because it only takes 6 weeks to heal your stitches does not mean that you are better 6 weeks later. I am currently
Future.
Since the last post I’ve been able to sit with myself for a few minutes and think about where I go from here. I’ve decided that I am definitely going to focus on Labor Studies since Coming Out Week went so well and I got an email about the Student Organizing Cohort that the Ethnic
