Category: Health
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8 weeks off (some) meds
In January I talked about my decision to try going off of my meds. I stopped taking Buspar and Bupropion in February (I’m still taking Ritalin and Gabapentin). I’ve noticed my baseline level of upbeatness is a little lower, mostly replaced by fatigue (thanks, fibro) but otherwise I feel normal. There have been a few…
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The Curse of Living Every Day Like It’s Your Last
In the family I grew up in there were two common, somewhat dissonant but simultaneously applied themes. 1) Don’t live like you belong in the default world because your true home is in Heaven, living on earth is really just a temporary state and 2) live every day like it’s your last and be prepared…
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Nature (Trauma) is Healing
I’ve been experiencing a lot of headaches trying to do basic things like get my brain meds filled in Germany. There are rules like only certain types of general doctors can prescribe anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications, only certain kinds of doctors can prescribe testosterone, and of course only psychiatrists can prescribe ADHD meds. On top…
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Disability in Germany
I miss the ADA. It was incredibly insufficient but nothing close to it exists in Europe and navigating a healthcare system meant for chronically abled & healthy people as a disabled chronically ill immigrant is exhausting. I learned the hard way last week that the way ADHD meds are handled is: you have a time-limit…
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Post Op Photo & Feels Dump
I’ve been posting pics of the healing process on instagram and pixelfed. The process has been up and down, but mostly up. Surgery went great, I seem to be healing well. One nipple graft is perfect the other is still in its early healing stage. I’m really really really tired of wearing a binder basically…
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If you’re reading this, you’ve (basically) survived 2020
As much as I am ready to be done with the last century of this year, I don’t even know how to start processing everything that’s happened. It’s been intense and every time I think about it, I immediately go think about something else because there is too much and building a railway in Minecraft…
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The Feelings Part 3
I’m trying to see this period of my life as a good thing – an opportunity to unpack the trauma I’ve been avoiding and do the healing I need to do. I want to be able to take this mystery condition that I still have zero answers to in stride and not be angry and…
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The Feelings Part 2
I’m feeling many ways about my disabling illness. There’s a good bit of anger, a lot of exhaustion, 6 feet of grief, and a lot of anxiety around whether or not I’ll get better. There’s a part of me that has resigned itself to this new normal and a part of me that really wants…
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The Feelings Part 1
Shit has been rough. Up until last week I was able to use school as a distraction from the mystery that is rampaging my body. I sent out letters to everyone over last weekend saying I’m dropping out but staying around until the end of the month to tie up all the loose ends. I…
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Pause
I sent all the emails on Friday that told everyone who needed to be told that I’m dropping out for my health. I’m too sick to be in school and on campus so I’m dropping out. I have been stuck in a shame fueled depression since I made this decision even though I know it’s…