Category: Christianity
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On being a broom (and why I can’t just relax and enjoy shit)
I realized why I have a hard time relaxing and taking actual vacations and even enjoying the holidays. As a child all of the times that most children have “off” to play and relax and do their own thing, I never had. We never had summer break, we took Nov-Jan off every year instead, and…
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Brain Stuffs
I crashed for two hours and I feel a little better about things. I’ve been dealing with a lot of self loathing and emotional exhaustion and anxiety and just feeling like I’m the most horrible person ever to walk the earth (which is ridiculous if I think about it, because I don’t actively TRY to…
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Aging Backwards
When I was 8, I was expected to be an adult. I had adult responsibilities (taking care of kids) and was expected to act as mature as an adult – learn all the things, do all the things, cook all the food, wash all the babies – I had to fight for some semblance of…
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General Stuffs
Thanksgiving was a thing that happened. I’m still recovering. Our apartment flooded on Wednesday, so we’ve had to re-arrange until, hopefully, our roof actually gets fixed. Our computers are currently in the kitchen, because it doesn’t rain there. My body is trying to find equilibrium with the progestin, and it’s making me kind of moody…
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Out of the (agnostic) closet (and into the fire?)
This has been coming to a head and swirling around for some time and I just need to let it out now:I. Don’t. Believe. In. God. Any. More. For so many reasons.One, I became a christian entirely out of fear. I was terrified of going to hell. I can’t mesh staying in a religion that…
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On Femininity
Good Homeschooled Girls are supposed to be perfect. They’re supposed to be Pollyanna, Elsie Dinsmore, and Jane Bennet. They’re supposed to be completely innocent, unnoticed, modest, graceful, but still look beautiful and unblemished (while not thinking too hard about it). Good Homeschooled Girls are impossible. All of us are wearing masks, we’re all acting feminine, we’re…
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I have something to say
I have a story to tell, a story that’s been hanging over my head for months and I haven’t said anything out of fear and now I just need to release it so I can feel better. This summer, I was cornered by people I trust – put into a situation against my will that…
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Good Reads
I’ve been going through some stuff this month – between my medications trying to get back to normal from being kicked off because vicodin, and the lovely little guilt-anxiety cycle and general overwhelmingness, I’ve felt a little lost. Some of the truths I discovered in Spring, this year and last, are more distant, which isn’t…
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Bravery, Voices, and (lack of) Childhood
I’m able to actually sort of think straight for more than 10 minutes. Everything is still in a fuzzy poofy-face and vicodin haze (seriously, can’t wait until I don’t need to take painkillers, and can have pizza..). I have some thoughts that carried over from PAX that got lost earlier this week because it was…
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Rants with Kiery
1) Wow. the degree with which people will fight for their “right” to hit children, in the name of “it’s better” “it’s discipline” “what else are you going to do?”. That hitting is the first place we jump to, to deal with people who are helpless, people who exist because their parents decided they WANTED…