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School is for Healing
I’ve been coming to grips with some stuff about what I’m studying lately, which is largely that 1: I really enjoy machining, but 2: I do not believe that I am capable of being a manual machinist in a traditional shop and I don’t see that as my future. It’s a weird sentence to write,…
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Laney Queers
This time last year I was on campus feeling very alone. I learned that there wasn’t a queer club before I started and decided that I wanted to make it happen. Right before I got on the plane home from YIMBYtown on Tuesday, I got an email from the club advisor saying that the Laney…
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English 1A
I keep coming back to that part in the Prisoner of Azkaban where Harry asks why the Dementors seem to affect him more than other people, and Lupin explains that the Dementors feed on every good memory until all that’s left is trauma, they affect Harry the most because he has actual horrors in his…
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Recovery Update
I’m 10 days post-op, the stabbing sensation has largely subsided. I’m still spotting a bit, the incisions ache if I move or stretch too much, but I’ve been fine with two ibuprofen 600s (one around noon after I eat, and one after dinner/before bed) for most of the week, and I haven’t needed Percocet since…
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uterus = null
Monday I had a complete hysterectomy. I got to Mt. Zion hospital at 5:45am, surgery started around 8am, I was out at 11:30 and discharged around noon. Then I went on a really bumpy car ride to Concord, where I am resting and marathoning Harry Potter all week. My surgery was laparoscopic so it was…
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Hysto Date!
HOLY SHIT. I’ve been wanting needing to get my uterus out for years. I have talked to so many doctors about this, and about sterilization before that. I will document the process that I went through to get here later, but the big news is: Monday, July 30th, 2018, at 9:30am I will be undergoing…
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The more I’ve been wanting to write, the more I’ve been resisting sitting down and doing it. Depression has been eating me alive lately. The world seems to have gotten dimmer since school let out, and it feels like we’ve plummeted off the edge of a cliff, we’re past the point of no return and…
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Disability
I started realizing that I need to come to terms with the physical effects of CPTSD throughout the last semester. I have to come to terms with my own disability. And a lot of that starts by saying it out loud. I really don’t want to. I don’t want to admit that I am not…
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If I had a quarter for every time I sat down to write and the first sentence was something along the lines of “I need to write but the words aren’t coming” or “every time I sit down to write the words vanish” I wouldn’t be as broke as I am now. It seems to…
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It Feels So Stupid
Last night, I was curled into a ball crying in my partner’s arms because everything about school is hard. It’s not necessarily the material or the course load, it’s that Laney isn’t designed and has no support structure for visibly/non-passing trans students to exist in. Let alone the ones who are out and openly existing…