I realized why I have a hard time relaxing and taking actual vacations and even enjoying the holidays. As a child all of the times that most children have “off” to play and relax and do their own thing, I never had. We never had summer break, we took Nov-Jan off every year instead, and…
*There is no coherent flow to this, that’s why it’s numbered. Just needed to let these escape my head, so hopefully I can kill this migraine now. I was remembering some things, about being homeschooled – with a few years of distance the ridiculousness of some of it has been made obvious, but I also…
I want to build a nest around myself, and burrow into a hole made of blankets. Life is a blur and I am overwhelmed. I feel too big for my skin and too big for my house – like I’m growing and my clothes don’t fit right. Like Alice when drinks the growth potion (or…
I crashed for two hours and I feel a little better about things. I’ve been dealing with a lot of self loathing and emotional exhaustion and anxiety and just feeling like I’m the most horrible person ever to walk the earth (which is ridiculous if I think about it, because I don’t actively TRY to…
When I was 8, I was expected to be an adult. I had adult responsibilities (taking care of kids) and was expected to act as mature as an adult – learn all the things, do all the things, cook all the food, wash all the babies – I had to fight for some semblance of…
Thanksgiving was a thing that happened. I’m still recovering. Our apartment flooded on Wednesday, so we’ve had to re-arrange until, hopefully, our roof actually gets fixed. Our computers are currently in the kitchen, because it doesn’t rain there. My body is trying to find equilibrium with the progestin, and it’s making me kind of moody…
This has been coming to a head and swirling around for some time and I just need to let it out now:I. Don’t. Believe. In. God. Any. More. For so many reasons.One, I became a christian entirely out of fear. I was terrified of going to hell. I can’t mesh staying in a religion that…
So, this afternoon I finally did it. I went to Planned Parenthood and got The Implant. I AM NOW BABY WORRY FREE for the next 3 years. The amount of stress that just vanished from my shoulders after the nurse said “okay, it’s in” is like…..unbelievable. I know I’ll be dealing with side effects (and…
I have this familiar sense of needing to write – because all of the things happened – but not having enough coherent thoughts to put anything together. This happens a lot if I write infrequently, like I have been lately – lots of life happens in between posts and then I’m like, wait, what? So…