Daily Archives: August 8, 2012

2 posts

Ignition

The things that ignite my soul are the things that I try to {re}create and do. Sometimes I get overwhelmed because I try to do everything and learn ALL the things, and sometimes I have to remind myself that I can do things and that I have goals and plans and ambitions and reasons.
I read this article about the other side of vulnerability.
I went back through the archives and realized, I’ve written quite a bit about it, sort of. I’ve written a lot of my goals, progressambitions, some catalysts, and the things I need most – the things my soul craves.
I haven’t revisited them much, lately. I’ve been preoccupied with the real-life aspect. Getting ready for KieryGeek, getting websites up and running, working away mentally at things that I love but not really giving myself a chance to revel in it.
Guilt sets in sometimes because I feel like I’m leeching off my husband (even though I’m not) and I feel like I’m inadvertently perpetuating the stereotype of 50’s housewife that I was raised to embody; the thing I keep finding myself fighting and crying against with all of me.
I know that I’m not that, I know that I’m more than that, I’m doing things; I know that I’m not a stereotype and I don’t fit in boxes, and I love that.

I did the bare minimum of things today. Nothing really seemed to go right and I couldn’t get out of my head. Hormones and PTSD are starting to get to me and I just want to hide and snuggle and maybe pig out on chocolate.
So right now I’m drinking snapple, watching cartoons, and have chocolate covered raisins, oreos, and chips within my reach. I’m finding myself lacking in motivation for WoW and just getting frustrated with the lack of being able to fly. I should play dragon age II, but I don’t think I’m emotionally capable of handling the storyline (which is my favorite part of the game), light stuff is on the menu for me.
I hate how I am when I’m like this. Snappy and frustrated and nothing seems to fix it.
I’m tired.