Tag self awareness

2 posts

When I give myself a voice

and tell myself what I really need and what my motives are, I get this.
And then my brain feels really sheepish about it, like maybe it’s really lame and I’m incapable of mattering or doing things that matter. I think it’s just upset that it kept it hidden and in the shadows for so long, because it feels so scary to say it; and to name the things that drive me and have driven me since I went down that slide in the playground thinking I could be a hero like Balto when I was three.

I should be menu planning

but instead, I’m writing, because I need to and I can’t find food until my brain spills it’s thoughts. Weirdness.
I got to part three of The Nerdist Way and I need to talk now.
The last few days I’ve been in a funk, not weird for me I guess, but I had several really really good days when I felt awesome and I was the warden of my brain and not it’s overtired prisoner. Hardwick talks about how our brains just sort of set to autopilot, and I can finally pick up when that happens (today and yesterday, for instance) because when I control it I’m so. much. happier and I feel so much more alive. The problem I’m having today is getting out of the tired funk induced autopilot and getting back into the captains chair, because it’s more fun there and I swear, the sky is brighter and the air smells better. I took today “off” and decided to just read. Here’s hoping tomorrow is brighter and less sleepy-coma-y.
I did one thing that started getting the happy hormones to my fuzzy brain – I filled in some of my progress in my progress bars in my Character Tome, and also, I reached level two in my life bar.
Brain is better now, hitting the books…