Tag: feelings
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14 year old rage
I have been sitting uncomfortably with my anger. I’m at the point of my healing/processing cycle where I get to revisit this feeling again. As a child I was never truly allowed to express anger, it was an emotion that wasn’t “cheerful obedience” and therefore wrong. It often circles back to me in the autumn.…
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Wash, Rinse, Dry, Repeat
Life is a cycle. I keep finding myself surprised and not surprised at the similar feelings I’m having trying to establish myself in a new city country as I had when I was first trying to establish myself as an adult leaving conservative christianity. I didn’t really know how to get a job or find…
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How Many Times Can I Make A Post With “Feels” in the Title and Get Away With It?
First things first – the biggest news of the year isn’t that I got top surgery. It’s not that my partner and I became an internationally recognized legal entity… I’m moving to Berlin. The one in Germany, not New Hampshire. I went into some details about it on my Patreon in an open-to-everyone post, so…
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The Scars I Choose
I’ve been quiet here but this year has been a ride. At the beginning of the year I got referred to the trans clinic at Kaiser and referred for top and bottom surgery (double incision bilateral mastectomy with nipple graph/ metoidioplasty with urethral lengthening and scrotoplasty). Naturally there’s a pretty big backlog because it was…
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Those People
I’m becoming one of Those PeopleWho has multiple bikes for different reasonsOne for travel and one for getting around townI’m one of those people who feels a little twinge of guilt at the luxuryof being able to save enough to buy two bikes when I only need one. I’m becoming one of Those PeopleWith a…
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The Feelings Part 3
I’m trying to see this period of my life as a good thing – an opportunity to unpack the trauma I’ve been avoiding and do the healing I need to do. I want to be able to take this mystery condition that I still have zero answers to in stride and not be angry and…
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The Feelings Part 2
I’m feeling many ways about my disabling illness. There’s a good bit of anger, a lot of exhaustion, 6 feet of grief, and a lot of anxiety around whether or not I’ll get better. There’s a part of me that has resigned itself to this new normal and a part of me that really wants…
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The Feelings Part 1
Shit has been rough. Up until last week I was able to use school as a distraction from the mystery that is rampaging my body. I sent out letters to everyone over last weekend saying I’m dropping out but staying around until the end of the month to tie up all the loose ends. I…