Tag bridging the gap

3 posts

Reminders

I’ve posted this before several times, but sometimes I’m at this point where I just need to listen to it again…

I’m at a point in my creative cycle where I feel like all of my goals are unattainable, that I’ll never be where I want to be. I feel like everyone is just better at everything by default and flying by and I’ll never ever get to the point where I’ll be good enough – to where I can make what I want to make and it’ll be as good as I wanted it to be.
All of my ambitions seem so impossible, and then I remember this is the part where a lot of people just stop, and so, if I don’t stop, if I can just manage to push through, I’ll get better. I always do.
And then I remember that I’m not 45, I’m 23, and I’ve only been doing things consistently for a couple years. My life hasn’t passed me by yet, I still have time.
It’s normal to take a while.

The Crossroads

you’re at a crossroads
between everything you are and everything you could be
you know what you want
and what you’re capable of
but what you’re doing on that road is falling short
you’re making progress but not enough
you’re running through your arsenal of tools
but change is slow and painstaking
What you want so desperately
feels so out of reach
beyond the horizon, who knows how far
and at some point
as you look back on the colored pages of your past
you wonder if it’s enough
if it’s worth pouring your soul into ink and colors
if painting your spirit is enough to get you into the horizon
if your heart will carry you when you run out of drive
or if your drive will carry you when your heart is tired
you’re standing at the crossroads between your life beyond the horizon
and the life everyone expects
one is dangerous and the definition of the unknown
full of adventure and failure and heartache
the other
is the death of the heart and soul
the giving up of dreams and aspirations
but safe and predictable
you’re at a crossroads
between what is and what could be
do you move forward into the unknown horizon?
or choose a safe but inevitable death?

Success can be scary

I didn’t know that making progress could be a scary thing. I’m ridiculously proud of how my artistry is developing and I’m at the point where I look at the things I’ve recently done and feel proud, and feel like I captured what I intended to capture.
It’s wonderful, and yet, almost paralyzingly scary – I’m afraid that I’ll forget, or that it won’t last, or that I won’t remember what it took to get here, or that I’ll peak here. I know none of these are founded…but I realized I think I’m at the point where if I were to list a bunch of new things, they would actually have a better chance of selling. I feel like I’m capable of making a handprint, and I’m scared to – scared that maybe it won’t evolve or be able to change, and I don’t know what to make.
This week, I’m going to try and finish my art books, and start painting again. I think the only cure, at this point, would be to keep making better art and keep improving in addition to the improvements that have already taken place. I think that’s the only way I’m going to dispel the fear of losing “it”, and continue to find my voice.
art journal