Category: Evolution
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This Week in Trans
Apparently cooking is a skill I default to. I can run? Melons taste good? I still dislike olives. All my feelings live in my belly. Everything is pain because my muscles are moving around so much. I am always hungry. And horny…and horniness feels different now? it comes from a different place so I don’t…
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Eating Disorder
I never thought I had an eating disorder until this week. I thought maybe my relationship to food was not ideal but probably normal. I thought eating disorders had more to do with some personal needs being met with regards to food, like purity culture, society’s insistence on thinness, or coping with life. I didn’t…
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This Is Not Normal
I’m beginning to get anxious now that more than a month has passed since the fall of our republic election and things have started to quiet down. We’re normalizing. We desperately want to return to normal, to stability, not to whatever the fuck this reality is. Collectively we do not do well with unrest, we…
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Kieryn Starts T
Yesterday. Yesterday I went to the wellness clinic in SF that does HRT and primary care on a sliding scale for uninsured people and I started my first dose of Testosterone. HOLY SHIT. Immediately prior to that I got my hair cut, and turns out I’m a super fucking cute boi. As I was walking…
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Expecto Patronum
I was talking to my therapist last night about the election and activism and something she poked at really struck me. It is important for activism to come from a place that isn’t fear. Fear and panic spreads like wildfire and runs everyone down. The longevity of the fight depends on us being able to…
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Existing Is Resistance
So, we elected a facist. I, like every other marginalized in-any-remote-way person have spent the last week utterly terrified. It’s an anxiety attack that won’t go away. I’m suddenly very aware of the intersection of my transness, queerness, afabness, and olive skin. I am public about all of those, I’m public about being queer and…
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Things I learned in therapy
My therapist guesses that starting T will help with my hormone induced dysphoria too (just need insurance again). We opened up the jar of trauma that is my relationship with my body when I’m bleeding and realized I’ve never healed from that. Surprising no one, I know. But I realized that the terror that I…
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burnt out on week 4
“It is important for me to take care of my mental, emotional and physical health at work” This was the takeaway from therapy last week. I don’t know that I’ve done particularly well with it so far. I learned one of my coworkers supports Trump and I would be lying if I said that didn’t…
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Depression and Therapy and Burning Man (maybe)
It’s been a long month of more new scary things. Started a job being a glorified receptionist with the bonus skill set of being able to translate people’s computer problems into useful information for the IT people (and no, I don’t get paid more for that skill). Had housing fall through on me twice, the…
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Rising From The Ashes
My life lately has been incredibly roller-coaster like, not necessarily in the fun way, but always in the make-you-stronger-or-die way. I guess that’s also not so much lately as a recurring theme, but that’s besides the point. While I was waiting for divorce paperwork to go through (still am. SOON), going through an additional breakup,…