Category: Christianity
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Sex™ (and the lies I was told about it)
*”Sex™” for this post refers to traditional (procreative/penetrative) intercourse* Sex™ is hard – and I don’t mean it in the cute double-entandra way. I mean it’s difficult. It’s hard being newly married with an unhealthy body image, unhealthy (and untrue) understanding of what Sex™ is and means. Becoming quickly disillusioned by false promises perpetuated by…
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Unsafe Places
Churches are not safe. I can’t step into one without coming up with an escape plan and spending a majority of the time warding off a panic attack. The families (particularly if the church is made of up of mostly families, with multiple children under 10), the songs, communion, the language in the preaching –…
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I Don't Pray Anymore
When I was 10 and we were well into our left-the-cult-but-still-kept-everything-but-demons days we started going to church again. After being told churches in general were evil, it was weird going back to the buildings. My church experience was never great, we were never at one long enough to belong, because the pastor would say something…
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The Cult That Changed Everything
When I was between the ages of 5 and 7 my parents joined a bible study group through a family in our homeschool group. I guess it was less of a bible study and more of a home-church, because we went to their house for hours every weekend (I can’t remember if it was Saturday…
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Warning: Language (and trauma, and why birth isn't beautiful)
I wrote this up a few months ago, when I was just remembering all of it, and wanting to scream because I’ve always felt that no one really understands or understood my vehement desire to remain childless, or why every time labor or pregnancy (or children, for that matter) come up in a conversation, I…
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Spiritual Abuse Awareness Week
Next week I’ll be joining my friend Hännah for spiritual abuse awareness week. I debated between saying that here or just posting for no particular reason, but figured it made more sense to say what was going on so there’d be less confusion and more people could join in if they desired. Next Week, I’m…
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Stress Sickness
I’ve been feeling sick – off and on for the last two weeks. The worst days are mondays and I’ve been starting to worry about why I’ve felt so on the verge of catching something, without actually coming down with it. I’ve been able to pinpoint some of the symptoms – headaches and fuzziness largely…
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Silence isn't Golden
I’m tired of watching abuse. It happened to me, it happens around me – it’s the reason I can’t run away and escape from my past. The reason I can’t forget, the reason with every core of my being I become so angry that I lose words and start to breakdown. In 2005, 2006, and…
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Change
Last year, I wrote about how I felt different on my birthday, because I had finally given myself permission to live. I referred back to that permission throughout the year in different ways, and I think I’ll continue to refer back to it (remembering, that being myself is a life journey, not something accomplished in one…
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New Things and Accomplishments
Last year, around this time, I made a list of 21 things I wanted to do (because I turned 21): I’m really proud of myself for getting so much of it done! This year I just put down a lot of things I wanted to do between 2.28.13 and 2.28.14: “old things” are…