Now that I’m not in move-all-my-shit-across-the-country-mode I’m itching to get back to work doing things. This weird thing happens inside the car bubble: nothing can hurt you there – the internet doesn’t really exist for those hours; so coming back to the full-force of everything is honestly…rough. All I want to do is try to balance that out by making things again: things that matter and are inclusive and happy and creative, to push out a little bit of not-totally-awful to combat all the sad that’s bogging me down. The thing is though, between the sadboggs and the complete and utter exhaustion from running around with very little rest for about a month….it’s hard to push through that and actually make all the things I want to make. Because I feel like I need to make them right the fuck now, just to cheer up a corner of the universe, when what I really needed to do was take a fucking nap.
So even though I’m home, I have a bed, my computer, and we’re official residents as-of this afternoon, I still need to pace myself. I need to let myself breathe and trust that all the creative energy that’s been hiding behind a wall of moving stress will be here for me still, and I’ll actually be able to make things when I’ve had a chance to rest.
And once I’ve rested, I can pick up all the things I dropped. I can think straight again, I can draw, I can program, I can join Ludum Dare….
But the world isn’t going to fall apart for one more weekend of a lack of E.R.A. It can wait until next week for Humorotica and Matt and Kiery Vs SAO to pick up again.
I can enjoy the museum tomorrow and the movie tonight and don’t need to feel guilty for breathing.