Permission

My art journal and painting themes are quickly becoming permission slips for myself. Focusing on granting my heart the thing it needs at that moment and somehow silencing my very loud, harsh, inner critic.

She’s a bitch and always tells me what to do, doesn’t let me sleep when I need to and is generally just cruel. She comes out the most when I need a break, and makes me feel bad about not doing things immediately and has no patience. She claims the world will end if those chores aren’t done right now and berates me when I wait and condescendingly tells me “If you had done it earlier, you wouldn’t have to do it now while you’re trying to do this other thing.” 

Or, her other favorite:

You’re really stupid and worthless, you should have been doing something constructive instead. Something to make money instead of doing all this useless crap. You’re not even good at anything anyway

Somedays, she holds me hostage and I can’t bring myself to do anything (literally).

After wrestling all day with Miss Monday, I realized that art would be the one thing to make her go away. While it’s text and words, is the permission I needed to see and Miss Monday decided to start backing off. Finally.

2 comments

  1. Ugh. I know the feeling. I wish I could get my inner critic bitch to go away. Some days I can, and other days, I feel like crying.

    One thing my therapist mentioned is, if you feel guilty, sit down for half an hour and make yourself feel as guilty as you can, and then go about your day.

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