New Circles

art journal

I’m in a weird place. My support group has sort of eroded and I’m standing in the middle between a place I want to be and being sad because I feel like I’ve lost most of the people who’ve really helped me over the last few years.

Truth is, I’ve moved on. I’m not completely done baking, but my needs are changing, my heart is beating and I’m ready to find myself in the world again.

Most of my support group have moved on too, just in different ways. Many of the childless couples I met – the first childless couples I met after being married – are no longer childless, and others are looking forward to not staying childless. We’re all sort of moving on to new journeys and I feel distant and sad. I’m moving in a different direction – I can’t join them, and I honestly don’t want to – but I feel bad because of how vehemently I react inside. I don’t know if it’s normal because I don’t know many (any?) couples who don’t want children as strongly as I.

But this is life, I suppose. I’m told there are couples like us, who grow old and never have children because they find fulfillment in living life sans crypods, but I don’t really know where to find them. My circle, my support group, my friends who helped me realize that it was okay to find myself and healthy to be me have moved on to different journeys. That group will always be special and valuable to me, but right now, it’s time for me to start on my own journey – my own rebirth. To find my center and dance to the tribal drums. It’s time to find new circles.

6 comments

  1. I’m right there with you, and I know how awkward/alone/out-of-place it feels when it seems everyone one else, especially married folks, are getting on the baby bandwagon. Wish you lived closer so we could hang out!

  2. You can find them on the interwebs…? Well, I don’t quite fall into “couple” anymore, but still… clearly this means you need to move to VA, cuz Lizzy and I are already here!

    If it makes you feel better, I was somewhere with my boyfriend the other day, and ended up squeezing the crap out of his hand cuz the screaming child next to us was making me cringe.

    1. Oh god, I give people with children (in utero or not) a *ton* of elbow room and walk as quickly as I can away, otherwise I sort of start to freak out. If we’re stuck in a room with a crying child at a restaurant it just grates until I sort of start to have a panic attack. I just don’t know how to fix that… 😛

      I’m also really afraid they’ll run over me with their strollers…
      I *clearly* need to go to VA

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