I’ve been working on a list in graphic form all year, and as 2012 comes to a close (and not the end of the world) I thought, hey, a few days early (because I expect to be in the throws of pre-production and gaming over the holiday) why not actually post the cool things list?
Some of it might seem little, but these were all feats for me…especially the last one, believe it or not.
Yearly Archives: 2012
163 posts
Reading: The Legend of Drizzt: Homeland. I’m not very far, but I’m loving it.
Watching: The Hobbit, amazing. Django Unchained: So. Good – and I’m not a huge Tarantino fan, but this was great, and maybe I’ll watch Kill Bill and Reservoir Dogs now that I know not all of his movies are like Inglorious Bastards and Pulp Fiction.
Thinking: I had an epic geeky christmas of geekiness not only resulting in a TARDIS Cookie Jar, AT-AT bag, and Princess Leia Jacket (and portal bookends, and lovely misc items like a Portal Turret, Companion Cube plushie, Tyrion Lannister in doll form, and a blinking D20) BUT an Evanstar Necklace and Guild Wars 2.
I need to remember to film KieryGeek on Friday/tomorrow.
I can’t wait for my PS3 3D display to get here – I like being able to buy things with my own monies, on a whim, even though I then immediately rethink it and re-convince myself IT’S OKAY over and over again. But I like feeling like I can chip in and get cool things too. Should free up some floorspace in my room as the chest that our current tv is on is caddy-cornered due to the giant boxiness of it; small/thin screen = chest against wall = Kiery not tripping out of bed anymore!
I bought myself a pink Playstation controller too. Because, I wanted to. So there.
Oh, I also have a Dragon ear wrap, and it is epic sauce.
Playing: Guild Wars 2. It’s like an eyegasm and stimulates creativity as well as all your usual MMORPG benefits. It’s so gorgeous.
Feeling: Exhausted and a little burnt out, which is probably due to exhaustion.
(logos from Nerdist & Geek and Sundry stolen from the interwebs because they inspired my whole youtube channel thing, so please check them out. )
My blog has gone through a lot of changes over time. When I chose Bridging the Gap as one, in many many titles I’ve used, I was initially thinking about it in terms of art, and practice. The phrase actually stemmed from Ira Glass on storytelling:
Sine then it’s kinda grown into an inadvertent definition and a subconsciously accurate description of where I am. In many ways this year has been about bridging gaps – becoming more, learning more, doing things, overcoming fears, becoming more me…moving forward.
I feel like, in some ways I’m in a much different place than I was at this point last year, even the last six months – and in many ways I am. I’ve become less apologetic for my existence and don’t feel the need to explain the entire backstory behind my reactions since I’ve been on antidepressants – and also since then, I think I’ve been learning healthy thought patterns and feeling more. In a strange way, it all ties in and I’ve been bridging the gap to myself and all the places I want to be and the person I want to become.
All together!
Now I need to just figure out how to curl my hair…Oh, and I’ll be wearing a white shirt under the pink one instead…
Over the weekend I was able to put together my Hobbit costume – with this shirt from Mexicali Blues that I’ll layer with a white thermal-ish undershirt:
A silk blue-grey scarf that I’ll either use as a shawl or a sash, and this epic skirt from Calypsoe’s etsy that I found in a last ditch effort to save myself from having to go buy fabric and sew one!
I’m so excited because it’s the absolute perfect skirt, and I think it’ll go well with the shirt. When it gets here, I’ll decide whether or not I’ll use some of the extra material from Amanda and Hannah’s Hendstrom cloaks to make an apron or not, and if/what I’m going to layer on top of it. My other skirt that I got from Mexicali over the summer had a similar shade of gold/yellow and went really well with the top, but I think that’ll make it too patterned, so I’ll probably stick to an apron or the scarf/shawl/sash. I don’t think I’ll be doing hobbit feet because my feet probably won’t be visible and I’ll opt for warmth and boots due to the general winter-and-midnight-y-ness of the event.
I’ll probably hide the ruffles on the bottom of the shirt by tucking it in, unless it looks better untucked. ^.^
Watching: Behind the scenes/documentaries from Lord of the Rings and Prometheus. Great for costuming and effects ideas for our own stuff actually.
Thinking: I’m less apologetic for my existence since being on antidepressants, and that’s kind of amazing. Also, I have a hat with ears. ^.^
Feeling: chilly and exhausted, but happy.
Playing: WoW, Lego LOTR, Halo 4, Say Anything, and Star Wars X-Wing Miniatures.
Creating: Sporadic vlogs
I wonder sometimes why things that seem to encourage and empower other women have the opposite affect on me.
I think maybe it’s because I differentiate between being female and being a woman, and in that differentiation, I don’t identify as a woman. I don’t think because I am a woman therefore I _____. I’m happiest thinking of myself as transcending gender, neither identifying as a woman or a man, just merely being a human who happens to be female.
In my mind woman and man are loaded words, filled with connotations, expectations, and rules. This dissonance between my physiology and the cry of my soul that does not identify as woman has been hard, confusing, and filled with more than my share of unneeded shame and guilt. I am still being inundated at every turn with messages about being woman, by people who embrace it and (basically) condemn it; I sometimes wish that I could reconcile the disconnect between myself and my body – because there are so many things I can’t explain about myself, and the dissonance that lies within (I love the appearance of my body, but simultaneously hate what it means for me).
The one thing that seems to help, that makes sense in my crazy little brain….is to know that I don’t identify as a woman, nor do I identify as a man. I identify as a human of the female gender, a person who’s physiology is the same as half of the species and ever so slightly different than the other half, but that’s where it ends. I am a human, like everyone else and I have both “masculine” and “feminine” traits and interests (or as I like to think of them: traits and interests).
I embrace my individuality and personhood above all else.
At last, the episode we’ve been working on for 10 months is out! yay!