Monthly Archives: September 2010

20 posts

A Year In the life

of my blog. haha. I usually miss these…but here I am, I’ve been blogging (here anyway) for a year. *fills with some sense of accomplishment* I originally started this blog to document my “firsts” of adult/married life and living up north. Back in my political blogging days I would have called myself a “breakfast blogger” – there’s no real direction and I can write about whatever I feel like, and you know what, I like that.
I’ve come a long way in the last year… picked apples, drove in the snow, dealt with random car maintenance and flies, experienced real seasons, celebrated my anniversary, and started to learn new things. It’s exciting really, when I think about it – I’m taking time to learn things that I never did before, like painting and music. I’m forcing myself out of my comfort zone and doing things even though I may be nervous at first.
I’m proud of myself.

weather speak

It’s been overcast since Sunday, and according to the widget on my dashboard, we won’t be getting any sun until Saturday. I usually like rainy days…when they last a day and then there’s sunshine, but it feels horribly depressing when there’s no sun for days on end; Even when there are happy things going on (like my art class that started tonight). I’m always surprised how much my mood and energy level changes when there’s blue sky and when there’s not. A day of sunshine will somehow translate into way more energy and less grumpiness. I’ll end up doing all kinds of housey or artistic things (and I’ll be more confident driving). When it’s dark for days, sometimes even thinking about doing something creative (or cleaning, for that matter) just drains me.
Come to think of it, that’s probably why they invented Vitamin D3 capsules… I should probably start breaking those out.

Art class: with people!

My first “Introduction to Oil Painting” class starts tonight, and I’m really excited (though nervous about driving since it’s been wet for the last three days). Yesterday Alex and I ventured into this amazing art store in Portland, which has everything imaginable. I would have liked to say longer but it was dark, and wet, and late and we just wanted to find the paints (and turpentine, and linseed oil) and get back home (and grocery shop, joy). Someday, I’ll have to go back and get lost in there.

Someday List:

This morning I was thinking of things that I really really want to do (with Alex and by *myself),or be able to do someday, even though they won’t really happen now. <introspective mood>
– Go dancing (either something fancy or just a random dance party)
– Explore Europe (England, France, Italy?)
– Walk on the coast of New Zealand in a white sundress
– *Showcase my art (which means having pieces good enough to showcase)
– Work on Film sets, maybe dabble in costume/wardrobe and editing
– Write a book
– Make a Short film
– *Hold a sign-making seminar for campaigns (in which they bring me their signs and I help make them better. maybe more just sign consulting)
– *Start dancing again (ballet, hip hop, jazz…)
– Learn how to ballroom dance (waltz, tango, latin…..)
– Have a fluffy cuddly pet with a cool name.
– Have an awesome house with a beautiful view…with two offices (so I can have an art room), at least one spare bedroom, a large kitchen, and possibly a home theater.
– To have enough resources (time, experience, equipment, insight, contacts) to help people get started on their dreams.
– *To host a fun party or something….with sherbet punch and shirley temples.
– To be able to be a temporary safe haven, help out friends, host people
– *Possibly help out a civil rights group
– Play instruments really well (together)

The Human Body

Is probably the most complex, intricate, beautiful, and unique thing ever created. In more conservative circles, things as simple as drawing the human body in it’s natural form is frowned upon at best and often times is accompanied by a connotation of perversion.  But why? The human body is beautiful, why should we not try to understand it? try to capture it in ink?
From a technique perspective, studying the body is the best way to learn to draw it – to understand the curves and the muscles and how they all fit together. From an artistic standpoint – we spend time trying to replicate nature in our art, why avoid one of the most intricate and beautiful pieces of that? us, our bodies.
I guess all of this is really to say, it’s not perverted to draw the human body in it’s natural form, when it’s natural form was created in the image of God and declared good. There’s no reason to shy away from it or label it as “bad” when it’s simply beautiful.

Stress meter

Last week was an overload – on Monday I was depressed, Tuesday I was stressed, Wednesday I got my first ever pink slip from the police (who explained my inspection sticker was expired and I explained I had no idea and was looking at -apparently- the wrong number), Friday we found out that everything inspection-related that could be broken was (and we failed), it can be fixed for $1300 and we’ll have our car back on Tuesday, Saturday we got a lift home to our locked apartment and waited for our landlord to come unlock it (keys were at the mechanic and in the couch. lovely). This week, we’re car-less till tomorrow (hopefully) and I miss Glee’s season premier (yes, that actually matters to me). On Saturday there were several times I thought I was just going to snap and lose it in front of everyone. Thankfully, Alex helped me feel better after he found me hanging out at the gallery (he waited at the apartment and I hung around town). He let me talk and made cinnamon buns and watched movies with me. Sunday I was feeling pretty good.
My stress meter is fragile – and I realized today, it’s *very* delicate. Right now I’m thinking that I should live in a bubble.  For some reason all my introspective thoughts or sad and scary daydreams take place while I’m doing the dishes…limited counter space and moldy coffee cups from the days we weren’t home aren’t exactly conducive to less stress. I sort of snapped a little, I was frustrated, took it out on Alex and his coffee cups. Mostly by rushing out of the kitchen and sitting on the couch with a pouty face. Alex pointed out that my stress meter is fragile and I need to take a break and cool down, I’d already done more than I needed to.
That helped. He doesn’t care if there’s stuff left undone, or if it gets done all the time, he just wants me to not stress.
So I was thinking while I was trying to cool down, that I’ve come a long way – I have a lot of shit to process and heal, but this is what I have right now:

  • Amazing, loving, healthy relationships with my husband, his family, and my adopted family.
  • no babies! or chance of babies!
  • a beautiful in town apartment that’s walking distance to everything (handy for days when I have no car)
  • warm cuddly blankets and the freedom to curl up and stay in them as long as I want to
  • good art supplies and lessons
  • freedom to learn and explore whatever I want to because I’m not tied down to a job
  • freedom to do nothing
  • a running car that we’ll be able to sell if we want to
  • safe friends
  • coats!
  • enough money to live comfortably (and Alex won’t let me in the clearance sections) and get things that I’d like because I *want* them regardless of practicality (even though I rarely do because I feel guilty for spending money on me…haha…and things that I *want* usually aren’t crazy expensive, and the ones that are we save for).
  • a ukulele!
  • dishes 😀

Big things, small things, random things, they’re all important to me. Even though I stress easily (soooo easily) and I’m not handling it as well as I’m used to (less suppression, so maybe it’s good), at the end of the day, I still have people who’ll make me feel better, and a safe environment, and people who want me to really live and be happy and people who don’t mind my imperfections or things I didn’t get around to doing. That’s progress.